So check it, I could sum this entire blog post up with one sentence:
If you don’t want to do it: JUST SAY NO!
But, the reality is that it’s not quite that simple. If your upbringing was anything like mine, then you didn’t really have a voice as a child. You were instructed to do as your parents say and you bet not fix your lips to question their decisions and/or authority…
Unless you were prepared for a trip to the ICU…
Either way it goes, that is honestly a traumatic experience for children to go through. It teaches you that your voice doesn’t matter and you should always listen to people presumed to have authority over you.
This takes away the child’s ability to grow into their individual selves, their ability to express themselves creatively, and stand up for themselves to others.
I understand that many parents do this because this is how they were raised, that’s why it’s called generational curses. Unfortunately, it’s unhealthy ASF!
Children learn their place in the world from their home life.
There were so many times in my teenage years where I would be punished, scolded, and threatened to be kicked out of the house from simply sharing my feelings or wanting to be a teenager… until, I actually was kicked out my senior year… and refused to go back.
The reality is, many of our parents are walking around with unhealed trauma that they put onto us and it grows deeper and deeper the older they get.
They grow this sense of over-emphasized importance in your life and decision making, especially if it doesn’t look like how they want you to live. Little do you know, many parents try to live their lives vicariously through their children. For example, If they didn’t go to college, they try to push college on you because they wished they had.
I can bet you $100 (and I’m not a gambling woman) that if you approach your parent to talk to them about trauma caused while being raised in their home, they will get extremely defensive. You’re supposed to be grateful they kept you fed with a roof over your head… even though that’s only a small percentage of what it means to RAISE a child through mind, body, and spirit.
Hell, mine got so defensive that he cut me out of his life. Smh
The reality is, once you are an adult, you are only responsible for yourself. So, if you have unhealed traumas from your past, it’s on you to get the needed therapy and self-care regimens to heal; even if they refuse to acknowledge their part and go to counseling as well. Your future offspring depends on it.
As an adult, you are responsible for YOURSELF and it’s important for you to take the lessons learned as a way to create a better future for the next generation.
Your parents have no bearing on you anymore and that is when you find the moment to break free from their reigns.
I know a lot of you all are thinking back to the original question of: Sooo, how do you stand up to your parent?
You simply say NO with authority and set healthy boundaries. Tell your parent what you are willing to work with and what you are not. You are no longer their presumed possession and you matter.
Your thoughts matter.
Your direction matters.
Your choice matters.
If they aren’t ok with that, you have to be ok with walking away from the relationship until they are willing to acknowledge their faults.
I do want to warn you and say, that day may never come and you have to be ok with taking that risk.
At the end of the day, healing is the new sexy and it looks good on you boo! 😍