On those days is when I find my power...

In the middle of the night, I found my power again.

I have always wondered why my body loved to wake up at 3am almost everyday. No matter what time I fall asleep, I wake up between 3-3:30am like clockwork. Some days I am beyond tired and refuse to get up. On others, I’m faced with troubling hot flashes that force me to wake up. On the rest of the days? I choose to not fight the natural instinct inside me, so I get up. On those days is when I find my power.

This life reality honestly rings true in other areas of our lives as well….

There are so many talents that have naturally been placed inside each of us, but we are not all walking in those truths. It is easy to fight it and put it off to another day. When in reality, another day is never promised. Some days we blatantly ignore what we should be doing, simply because we don’t feel like it. We also have those days when we are FORCED to do something, because we have no other option. Unfortunately, we can’t be our best selves until we CHOOSE to get up and move, without fear.

We are not promised another chance encounter like this moment, so live in it and take advantage.

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To have, to love, and to lose: The Journey.

To live, to love, to lose

To touch, to hold, to feel, to mend

To call, to cry, to mope, to whine

To pray, to sooth, to breathe, to rest

To have, to not

To win, to lose

To start again, to end

To see, to fall

To stop, to crawl

To walk, to run

I recently lost the most important person in my life, this past month, and it feels as if my life has been turned upside down.  It’s hard to see and navigate the world the same after losing a piece that was so instrumental in your everyday development.  But I have to.  Truth be told, we don’t talk about human dependency enough.  When I say we, I am in that number too. 

I didn’t realize until the death of my grandmother that I depended on her for a large part of my being.  She was my emotional and mental safe place.  If I forgot to pray one day, I knew she prayed for me.  If I hadn’t talked to a family member in months, that was ok because I got my updates from her. I didn’t have to check the weather because she was already on it.  Whenever the world felt too heavy on my shoulder, a simple phone call to her eased my fears.  She was my bestfriend, I even have her tattooed on my body.  The bond was real. Dependency doesn’t have to just be a romantic relationship; it can be any relationship.  Reality is, it’s not fair to her. I talk about this in my e-book 30 things about love.  One person should not be your everything.

But now she’s gone…

At least in the physical form.  My grandmother and I had this close weird relationship where many people felt I was her daughter. Seriously! Up until her death, my grandmother still bought my dresses, stockings, and pajamas.  I have many of her items in my house, pictures and recordings in my phone, and a countless number of memories. 

I feel exposed…

My safe place, permanent address, and emergency contact is gone.  It is now time for me to use those skills she taught me over time and pay it forward to the next generation. The reality is even though I am hurting, and the hurt will never be gone, each day gets better because she prepared me.  For those who are going through a time of loss, I am here with you as we continue this journey of life with our missing links. 

It is important for us to think about the lessons and wisdom learned from our loved ones.  Smile at the good times. Cry when your heart says so.  Get up and go when you’re ready.  

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