Faith. Fear. Failure.
I've had the opportunity to experience Faith, Fear, and Failure in the last 27 days of January. The 3F's came roaring at me from January 1st, until this very moment. Faith, something we are unable to see physically, unable to feel at any given moment, and unable to guarantee without action. Honestly, faith is what has been getting me through.
The process of writing a book can be a very trying and daunting task, especially when you're writing about trauma. Now we are at the final stages before the release of They Never Told, and I'm finding myself more anxious than before as the full release day draws nearer.
"What will they think?"
"Will they like it? Will it even make sense?"
"Did I put myself out there for nothing?"
These are all questions I have found myself asking over and over and over! But I realized, it was my fear. My fear of failing. My fear of disappointing others. My fear of letting down the other survivors in the story. My fear of not being taken seriously. That fear turned into doubt. My faith has had to continuously step in and remind me that those fears are just fears. And in order for faith to reside in the home; fear has to be cast away. That fear somehow fled, once I received a hard dose of failure (or at least what felt like it at the time).
"I had to be denied access..."
Recently, I reached out to a couple locations back in my home state of Michigan, to host a book-signing. I was a frequent visitor to the establishments in the past, and I loved the environments so I decided to contact them. To my dismay, the conversations lasted no more than 2 minutes as they quickly turned me down. I felt a small does of failure. Those questions from before began to creep in, along with: Is my book really going to be good to others?
"That was the enemy"
I cried for like 2 minutes, then found the motivation to go harder. I reached out to a few close friends and my dad, and within an hour I was connected with individuals who were interested in talking about the release. I was reminded in this moment; failure does not mean denial. Sometimes, failure is something that's needed to show you a different direction that may be better. Someone else out there may be having similar feelings about a venture in their life. Know you are not alone, and you got this. WE GOT THIS!