Exactly one year ago today, I released my 2nd book Live out Loud:Following your purpose even when it’s hard!
Although, I released it in 2019, I had been working on Live out Loud since 2017… while I was working on They Never Told, I just wasn’t ready to release it yet. There was more I still had to experience.
So many people were so excited about my first book, They Never Told, that they failed to see my transition into Living out Loud. The primary reason why I didn’t talk about my sexual assaults when I was younger, was because I was raised in a very strict and judgmental family. I also decided against telling family about my personal healing; because I wanted to get through it alone; without others trying to control my process.
Little did I know, family would be my biggest obstacle for the journey I am on now. Just recently, my dad told me he felt I made an unwise decision of becoming a full-time entrepreneur… and my grandmother scolded me in my own home for modeling lingerie; from a company owned by my own sister… she said I sold my soul to the devil. As she said all this; I looked at my dad…expecting him to stick up for me. To say something encouraging… you know, I mean I was advertising his own daughter’s business.
But nope. He sat there nodding in agreement whenever he wasn’t tagged in.
As I sat there, listening to them tag-team me on everything they felt I was doing wrong; it hit me that I had been trying to create a compassionate relationship that has never been there. I’ve only received positive feedback from them when I earn a reward, got good grades, or did something good with school. Heck, my dad was the first person to tell me that my locs and nose piercing would get in the way of me being successful.
It’s as if they were waiting for the perfect moment to beat me when I was assumably down. This reminded me why I only had a close relationship with my other grandma. She listened; She encouraged; She told me to do what made me happy; She stood up for me; She knew the right time for correction and compassion.
This is why I work so hard. This is why I live my life out loud. This is why I hustle so hard. The life of full-time entrepreneurship is a hard and lonely one starting out…. but, I am doing what I love and that makes it worth it. I’d prefer to struggle and live ‘check to check’ in my truth freely…. than to prosper financially and feel like i’m in a mental prison.
Not everyone is going to understand and complete the journey of life with you. It’s ok to love someone from a distance and realize their destined placement in your life. As I go through the valley of full-time entrepreneurship; I promise to keep sharing all of me on here and my YouTube channel.
I was raised to “look good” on the outside and not share your complete journey publicly. That’s unhealthy; and those are the curses I am breaking. As I live out loud, I am breaking the generational curses of judgement on someone else’s downfall; the curses of narcissism; the curses of silence.
I believe in building other people up when they are down, and not finding ways to keep pushing them down. I am no where near perfect, which is why I have a therapist to go through life with.
Thankful for all of your emails and encouraging words along this journey; I’m glad my openness has been able to help others!
The journey of Living out Loud is far from easy…. but it is beyond worth it! Check it out here!