Abuse, Narcissism, and Breaking away from the control
In middle school, one of my parents beat me so bad once that my entire face was swollen and both my eyes were black. My friend Drea called the police... BUT, since they were well known in the city, my parent knew the police officer that came... and the officer never came in the house to see me or talk to me. He just left after
Storytime:
In middle school, one of my parents beat me so bad once that my entire face was swollen and both my eyes were black. My friend Drea called the police... BUT, since they were well known in the city, my parent knew the police officer that came... and the officer never came in the house to see me or talk to me. He just left after talking to my parent outside. My parent sent me to another city to stay with one of their female friends while I “healed” for a week. This was the same week Lisa Lopes (Left-eye) died. I still remember squinting at the tv, attempting to see through my swollen blackened face...
crying about her death and my internal dying heart.
When I returned to school, I had to go through being teased by classmates about them beating me the rest of that year. That began my journey of severe depression. I was 14. I started having sex, was suicidal, and trusted NO ONE but my grandmother. Being raised by a parent with narcissistic traits, and having an extensive history of dating men with those same traits, I became the perfect co-dependent. When they say women date people like their parents, that WAS the case with me...
until I broke the curse.
I internalized everything and thought there had to be something I could do, to not keep being treated that way. Or maybe, it WAS something wrong with me? When you go through emotional and/or mental trauma, you find yourself in low places. But, I want to let you know... I stand as a testimony, that you can AND WILL get through it!
It took hella therapy, but I made it 🦋
They may talk about you and call you crazy to other people, when you finally stand up to them... but you will feel SO MUCH BETTER! You take YOUR power back and redistribute it to the things that really make your heart smile.
To the person who needed this message...Beloved, the grass is greener on the other side; never be afraid to walk away... no matter who the person is or what they brought to the table. NOTHING is worth your sanity and mental health. 🦋
Did your upbringing stall your growth? You may have been lied to...
But, why?
Because we live in an artificial world. 60% of people are living the lives they feel they should be living, 30% are living double lives, and a whopping 10% are living authentically in their truth.
I do understand why though….
We live in a world where the algorithm doesn’t support authenticity.
We use the internet and social media as an escape from everyday life.
Who really cares about your problems?
I have built my entire brand off the premise of LIVING OUT LOUD!
No matter how ugly or bold your truth is, I have always encouraged others to be authentically themselves, even if it was uncomfortable.
But, why?
Because we live in an artificial world. 60% of people are living the lives they feel they should be living, 30% are living double lives, and a whopping 10% are living authentically in their truth.
I do understand why though….
We live in a world where the algorithm doesn’t support authenticity.
We use the internet and social media as an escape from everyday life.
Who really cares about your problems?
That’s what society wants you to believe anyways. You’re supposed to go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, take vacations, and retire.
If you’re feeling jazzy, feel free to add a small business in there too!
This is why I didn’t fit in. I didn’t fit in with family, the cool kids …. or any one else who was unable to see the beauty of my authenticity and transformation (when I did, most times I was faking). Someone actually told me I would have a hard time being successful by being me. Maybe we measure success differently. * shrug *
Can I blame them, though? I mean… I was there in the matrix with them for a while too. (and still cleaning the remnants of my childhood upbringing)
When you become too stuck on the image and what something looks like, you are losing grasp and touch with reality. You are no longer able to look at things and people objectively, because you only see them through the lens that you wish to see them through.
It’s time we bring back safe spaces.
A world where a person don’t have to hide their sexuality or lifestyle; A world where a person doesn’t have to follow a particular pathway or standard because it looks right; A world where we can all let our hair down and co-exist without judgement.
I know we are far away from that world, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all start the journey individually!
In my book Live Out Loud , I share the process of living out loud in your purpose, despite when times are hard. This is the process I went through as I transitioned from being a “people pleasing codependent” to finding my village and flourishing!
I had to release in order to gain more in response… and it feels hella good! I learned to go where I was celebrated and not tolerated and I have been happy ever since! (starting back in therapy mid 2020 was helpful too!)
Since sharing the real me, I have lost many….BUT I have gained MUCH MORE… and I am thankful for the few friends that are still around many years later :-) They were pushing my new book more than I was… and made it a BESTSELLER on release day!
I said all of this to say: Always be real, always be true… don’t be afraid to do what YOU WANT to do; PERIODT!
I’ve been living this motto fully and so many good things have been happening! It took me separating myself from the naysayers and clinging to those who have always been here, motivating me to keep going… encouraging me when I fall… and letting me be me without judgement.
Side Note: Go where you are celebrated and not tolerated :-)