How our upbringing did a disservice to our confidence

This is a topic that many may not be ready to hear yet. The reason for this is primarily because many of us have been conditioned to hide ourselves, or make ourselves feel smaller, as a way to make others feel better. So when things are put in the forefront, forcing us to evaluate not only ourselves but those we love, we get a bit uncomfortable.

But I don’t care; that’s my life purpose…. to make others uncomfortable and keep them on their toes.

For some, this fight for gaining confidence started in the home with their parents.

For others, it may have been a teacher or another superior figure like a pastor older family member.

Our sense of confidence is developed during adolescence, during the time of your life when you are the most impressionable. Some of you may still be a bit confused by where I’m going with this.

Walk with me down the hallway real quick.

As a child, many of my peers and I were raised to believe that our voices didn’t matter. We weren’t allowed to ask questions, didn’t receive apologies when wronged by an adult, and were scolded for wanting to express our creative differences if it looked to threaten the picture intended to be painted by the authority figure of the space.

In my heart, I don’t believe the adults behave in this way to intentionally harm the personal development of children. I think it is something that is passed down through generations, forcing us to behave in the same manner in which we were raised; causing generational trauma. We not only lowered ourselves in the home or classroom, but we started to do it at work, with our friends, romantic relationships, and perceived superiors.

We are responsible for what we know now…

The people of our generation are the ones meant to break the toxic patterns we were exposed to. It is time for us to raise a new generation who is confident in who they are.

A generation that is not afraid to ask questions for clarity and understanding.

A generation that is not afraid to express themselves creatively without receiving immediate negative feedback from their internal trauma-judge.

A generation that understands the importance of not lowering yourself as a way to feed someone else’s ego.

Are you willing to stop the curse with me?

The Art of Confidence

Confidence is something that many want and even more lack.

Part of it, I feel, is because we haven’t been taught what it truly is. We have come to associate confidence with how a person dresses, present themselves, and even how much they display a smile; without realizing they could be faking it just like an off-brand Coach bag.

What if I told you that confidence is something that is displayed in a more subtle way? Confidence can be seen in how a person holds their head, look in your eyes, and speak with authority. Confidence is an internal feeling and knowing of self; it has nothing to do with how you look.

Confidence is a tricky thing.

It is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, which is the lack of objectivity. It is important that we learn how to see the difference between when someone is displaying confidence, arrogance, or when they are overcompensating for their personal insecurities. One wrong perception can lead one to believe that another is aligned, when in reality they are overcompensating.

How do we build true confidence?

True confidence is something that is developed over time through the passage ways of self-love, comfort, acceptance, humility, vulnerability, and support. It is something that we have to grow into, not walk into. If you are finding yourself in a place where you are learning how to become more confident in yourself and your personal decisions, then the good news is that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.

As mentioned earlier, there are many different paths that a person must walk through in order to find their personal confidence in various areas of their life. There may be a time when a person is confident in their math skills, but are insecure in their reading ability.

We can be confident in one area and insecure in another.

Yes, you can be confident in one area of your life and insecure in another. Hopefully, that made you feel slightly better if you were questioning your confidence. Since it is always a journey, it is very likely that most people have an insecurity that gets in the way with their ability to be confident. That’s what makes us human.

What’s important, is that we continue working on ourselves to identify how we can build our personal growth and confidence in what we have to offer to the world.

Whatever you do, continue to Live out Loud!